"From zero to funded as fast as an RPG."
LoanZooka began as a glint in the consumer's eye. Now it's the go-to solution for people bold enough to borrow from a man who once sold a website in 2006 and never stopped talking about it.
Three products. That's it. Other lenders offer forty products because they don't believe in any of them. We believe in all three of ours the way Biff believes in himself, which is completely and without evidence.
You made some choices. Seven of them, all at 24% interest. We roll every one of your past mistakes into a single confident monthly payment, so you can go back to making new mistakes with a clear head. That's called growth.
You had the dream. Food truck. Dojo. Artisanal jerky empire. Everyone in your life said no, which is exactly why Biff says yes. He's not funding your business plan. He didn't read it. He's funding your audacity.
Every other lender in America pretends this industry doesn't exist. LoanZooka doesn't pretend. LoanZooka doesn't judge. LoanZooka doesn't even ask follow-up questions, which our lawyer says is the whole problem.
"I'm not trying to be the best lender in the world. I'm trying to be better than every other lender in the world. There's a difference, and if you can't see it, you're probably a credit union."
Biff Wilcox is a P2P pioneer, which he will tell you within forty seconds of meeting him. He launched and sold an online business in 2006, before the iPhone, before "fintech" was a word, before you even knew what money was, probably.
He advises the marketplace lending community, invests in the marketplace lending community, and has been asked to leave two marketplace lending conferences for heckling the panels. He was right both times.
Biff holds a formal degree in theology. He does not practice. He says the training comes in handy because lending, like faith, is mostly about believing in things you cannot see, such as your collateral.
Credentials: P2P pioneer. Advisor. Investor. Occasional visionary. Undefeated in office putting.
Biff's business rules, carved into the breakroom wall by Biff, with a knife, during a staff meeting.
Real quotes from real borrowers. "Real" is doing some work in that sentence.
"Biff funded my llama ranch in one phone call, then told me my haircut was holding me back professionally. He was right about both. The llamas are thriving. So is the haircut."
Denise K., Llama Rancher, funded 2023"Every bank in the state turned down my competitive axe-throwing bar. Biff approved it from a jet ski. I could hear the jet ski. I think the jet ski was part of the approval process."
Marcus T., Bar Owner, funded on open water"Four stars only because Biff described my business plan as 'the second-best idea in this parking lot' and then funded the guy next to me first. Great rate though."
Anonymous, funded eventuallyYou've scrolled this far, which means you either need money or you're a competitor taking notes. Either way, Biff sees you. Biff respects it. Biff is ready.
Fire the Zooka